Hey there, brave soul.
Are you tired this time of year? Is the pain you have suffered catching up with you?
I can see you. The festive season is extra stressful when your soul is drained from trauma it acquired a long time ago. Or maybe just recently. What ever the case, trauma and the festive season don’t go well together.
The perpetrators in your safe place
We all know too well that those that were supposed to love us often cause lasting and severe trauma – our mums, dads and other loved ones. It is a wound that cuts so deep.
Where there is supposed to be unconditional love, there is an empty hole.
Where there is supposed to be approval and encouragement, there is lack of interest and a selfish urge to always wash themselves clean of their failures.
Dear tired soul, I wish it were different.
I wish you had parents that loved you and protected you like you deserved.
I wish your home were stable and not a place where you felt afraid to even breathe.
I wish your parents had seen the potential in you – that innocent child that did nothing wrong and copped it so bad from mum and dad.
See your own strength
If only things were different. I see you now; all grown up and weary of fighting.
You have made it to adulthood. You survived. You are a warrior, resilient and enduring.
Even though you are young, you lost your innocence at birth and now, as a young man, you lack the joyful ignorance of your peers.
The world is their oyster but it has closed on you.
You don’t look for opportunities to grow your skills or go travel abroad. You are always on the look out for a place to hide, just in case the past comes rushing back.
Dear soul, I wish you could see your own strength.
You survived the worst and if only you could start living, now that you are your own man.
But the two decades of fighting for survival have not gone unnoticed.
Trauma has become your constant companion. Life is no longer something to be enjoyed. It is something to be feared. If your parents betray you, what point is there to trust others?
See your growth
Brave one, I wish I could protect you.
I wish I could turn into fucking Professor Dumbledore and extract those hurtful memories and thoughts from your brain permanently.
I wish healing would come easy to you because you fucking deserve it.
I have seen you grow this year through your pain.
You made bold statements and you held your ground. It feels like you added more pain but you have released a lot instead. Pain and pain are not the same and you are yet to learn that.
Give yourself more time.
Give yourself acknowledgement that this year, you haven’t only survive, you have lived.
You have taken your power back by seeking help and by crying and screaming and wishing this was not your lot in life. It may not feel like it but you have fucking crushed it this year.
Please remember that.
See your worth
When we live with trauma as deep as yours, healing is a challenge. I hope I was able to drag you out of the deepest holes you were in this year.
I can’t always say it but I got your back. I am rooting for you.
Your trauma is within you but it doesn’t define you.
Dear one, as we approach the holiday of the year that screams happy family at us, please shut the door to the world and tell it to go fuck itself.
You deserve a break from all this. Families are hardly ever happy so we should really stop pretending that we are. But you know that by now. You fucking get it.
Celebrate yourself this year. You are now braver, stronger and more you than ever because of all the pain you have faced.