"Getting better" after grief
When we suffer a loss, whether somewhat expected or unexpected, there is always a certain urgency afterwards to deal with it and ‘get better’. Our world has just been shaken up and we are keen to restore it back to normal or as close to normal as possible. This is where grief counselling comes in and can offer vital support.
The first few weeks and months after a loss can be so incredibly hard and everyone deserves help in those times where we need to find a way forward into unknown territory. This is a good time to reminisce, to weep and cry and to think about ways on how to remember your loved one in a meaningful way.
Life after loss looks different and it takes time to get used to it and find meaning and joy again. This is where grief counselling crosses over into grief healing.
What does life look like after a devastating loss?
Is a good life still possible and if yes, how is that achieved? After the first waves of grief have ebbed, many people decide to exit counselling and continue by themselves which is a very personal choice and an important one to make. For others, the initial loss may have resulted in those shock waves unearthing other challenges that may have been dormant for many years.
When we are grieving, we are in a vulnerable state and while this offers many opportunities for healing, it can also result in suppressed experiences and memories to surface, asking for attention. This can create this feeling of our world crumbling and everything coming undone.
Grief healing is creating space for all these things coming up, connecting them together where needed and to address them. Grief healing doesn’t necessarily have a strict timeline – it may become part of life and that is ok. Healing for humans is hardly ever finished and grief healing gives us the opportunity to become comfortable with that. It is not about getting over the loss and the pain but to befriend it and to learn from it.
Life after loss isn’t the same as before and striving for that is futile.
Loss will change us and grief healing invites to get to know who we are becoming and what we want to do from this point on. You may have noticed that I am keeping the term loss fairly vague and I do that on purpose. Loss in grief healing means the loss of a loved one, a family member, a friend, a pet and anyone that has meant a lot to you. But it also includes loss of any kind – the loss of ability, dreams and plans and collective grief that is impacting us.
Our pain and loss often is connected to pain others feel too – the helplessness felt by many during genocides, wars and attacks aiming to extinguish anything that is good in the world. Healing from our grief can mean healing WITH others and helping each other along the way.
Grief healing is always deeply personal but there are instances where we all benefit from loving company and grief gatherings therefore offer a different kind of healing. Whatever the form, healing is never linear and the healing space needs to reflect that. The work I do with grief healing doesn’t follow a timeline and is guided by what needs healing, no matter how long or deep the pain is seated. We will face it together and turn into something that becomes part of life but doesn’t overshadow it.
Healing grief means making space for everything there is – pain and sorrow, joy and love, purpose and hope.
The right mix of all these is very personal and intimate and finding this balance is my goal with facilitating grief healing for you. Want to find out more about my grief healing packages? Click here.